2012: Battlestar meets Waterworld meets The Day After Tomorrow

So clearly, 2012 was going to be dumb, but how dumb is it?  I could not let this weekend pass me by without finding it out.

Firstly, the premise features humanity at the brink of annihilation and a group of government officers, politicians, and civilians boarding a fleet of ships to save the humanity.  Sound familiar?  Yes, this movie liberally rips off Battlestar Galactica. There are even stirring speeches about sticking together and home being where our loved ones are.  But it fails at being as interesting or provocative at Battlestar. I mean, not that I expected it to be.

Also, unlike Battlestar, the premise really has no set up at all.  The very beginning of the movie features some perfunctory scientific babble and concerned-looking world leaders but it really just amounts to “Blah blah earth’s crust plate tectonics Mayans THE WORLD IS ENDING.”  It seemed like a very odd decision to start the movie with dull exposition that doesn’t really make any sense anyway. But perhaps Roland Emmerich just wanted to get it out of the way, knowing that no one actually cares.

And then we meet estranged couple Amanda Peet and John Cusack, whose relationship seems ripped off of every disaster movie ever made … ever.  They still love each other, but he’s too obsessed with his failed career as a novelist, so she hooks up with an amiable platic surgeon.  I wonder if they will ever be able to make things work.  Maybe the end of the world will allow them to confront their true feelings for one another!  The very best part of the movie features Amanda, John, and family driving through the city of LA as it is basically falling into the earth.  Freeways collapsing, buildings falling … that’s the sort of thing I can get into! As they drive frantically through the imploding city towards the Santa Monica airport, I gleefully thought, “There goes my neighborhood!”

After that, it sort of veers between being predictable, boring, and hilariously awesome.  There is this thread about John Cusack’s daughter loving to wear hats or something and she’s always, like, putting hats on and Amanda Peet’s all, “SHE LOVES HATS,” and I really don’t get why we’re supposed to find it poignant, but we’re sort of beaten over the head with it.

The other part that struck me as pretty hilarious was when Chiwetel Ejiofor’s scientific advisor character recognizes John Cusack near the end as he’s practically drowning and what’s remaining of humanity is basically about to bite it and he’s all, “Remember me?  We met at Yellowstone Park!”  as if he had just run into him at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf or something.

As terrible (although entertainingly so) as this movie was, I do have to give props to the acting, though.  Chiwetel Ejiofor is an actor I pretty much enjoy in everything and he’s in Serenity which pretty much gives him a pass for life, and he’s very good here, as are Peet and Cusack.

Oh, and luckily, everyone gets cell phone reception throughout, even on mountains in India on the bring of a tidal wave.  I don’t even get cell phone reception in my apartment.

Precious

I am not sure how I feel about the movie Precious.

It was undoubtedly well-acted and well made in most respects. However, it was extremely difficult to watch.  For those who aren’t familiar, Precious tells the story of a teenage girl in Harlem in 1987 who is impregnated by her father (twice!), and lives with a sociopathic mother who abuses her and her child.  Basically, EVERY terrible thing that can happen to this girl does.  There are some moments of levity, but all in all, it really is not a pleasant movie.

I do think its an important movie to have been made and for people to see since it brings to light a segment of society we do not often see represented on film.  However, it made me think a lot about the notion of “poverty porn.” Is it somewhat manipulative, or even tasteless, for filmmakers to present stories where trauma upon trauma is heaped upon the characters in the interest of providing some emotional catharsis for audiences (or more cynically, awards for the filmmakers)?  It feels a little manipulative at times; during this movie, I just kept thinking, “WHAT ELSE CAN HAPPEN TO THIS GIRL? PLEASE LET IT END!”

But the truth is, this is the reality of some peoples’ lives and it makes people – me - uncomfortable.  So, while I was unsure about how much I liked the movie because of my discomfort, I will say that it certainly hit something deep inside of me, which is what art should do.

On a lighter note, I was talking about this movie today with some of my classmates and actually used the word “incested” more than once.  Which is … not a word.

Elegance is hard to attain.

Does anyone else picture their life as a movie in which you are the star and the type of character you are playing is influenced much by what you are wearing?  (Or alternately, what type of character you want to be influences what you decide to wear?)  I think about this sort of thing all the time.

I think this is very much related to my going through a major Audrey Hepburn phase in my younger years (doesn’t every girl also go through this? or is it just me and Blair?).  During this period, I wore cropped pants a lot.  I liked to see  myself as poised, yet whimsical and sort of European, and that I would spend my life flouncing about, being whimsical and wearing fabulous coats and hats all the time.

I suspect that as much as I want to be a poised person, I am not at all.  The other day, I was entering a class and for some reason decided to dramatically throw the door open Angel-style … and there was another class in the room.  Because I was early.  The people with me had to actually say, “Uh, that’s not our class.”

That’s not poise.

I could wear hats more often though.

“I believe that the happiest girls are the prettiest girls.” – Audrey Hepburn

 

 

 

Movie Trailer Snap Judgments: The Time Traveler’s Wife

This one could go either way, folks.

I read this book years ago and liked it very much, although I really remember nothing about it, which is unusual for me.  I started it on a plane from London to Salzburg because my friend Alison loaned it to me (Hi, Alison!) as I had forgotten to bring any reading material and would otherwise face a plane ride attempting to read airplane safety cards in German or annoying my friends who were trying to read.  So, anyway, I started this book and thought it was going to be Judith Krantz-esque, but found it very engrossing.  And then, when I heard they were making a movie about it, I thought it sounded like an interesting idea and when I found out they were casting Eric Bana, I eagerly looked forward to looking at Eric Bana (so broody and handsome!) for 2 hours.

However, the trailer leaves me a little unenthusiastic. The first strike against it is that it features some wailing rock song about “FALLin’ APART!” that sounds like it might be The Fray and already I feel like I am watching an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.”  I don’t think it is The Fray, though, which is almost worse because it is clearly some B-version of The Fray.  Bleh.

The little girl playing the younger version of Rachel McAdams has strawberry-blonde hair and Rachel McAdams has dark brown hair.  Sometimes, our hair darkens when we get younger, but come ON, can we have some hair consistency here, people?  I will forgive this if there is some reference to her character making trips to a colorist, but otherwise, SOME OF US NOTICE THESE THINGS.

The trailer also does not show any particularly interesting incidents that I am sure the book contains.  It’s mostly Rachel voice-overing about “waiting for Henry … for my entire life … ” and gasping and breathily proclaiming, “It’s you!” when he appears.  In fact, both actors seem to be delivering their lines primarily in a low, breathy voice.  Bana sounds like Jack Donaghy from “30 Rock.”

The moment of levity in the trailer is Eric Bana asking Rachel McAdams if she will marry him, while she is lying in a hospital bed or something and she says, “No,” and then pauses and says, “I didn’t mean that,” as Eric breathes a sigh of relief and she giggles hysterically.  I hope there are funnier things in this movie than this scene because that’s … not funny.

And there are weddings and Christmases and a pregnancy and Eric Bana keeps disappearing and Rachel gets weepy and they run to one another in a field and they’re “FALLin’ APART!!!!!!!!!!!!”  I will likely see this movie, and I covet Rachel’s hair and outfits, but the trailer makes this movie look utterly generic, which is unfortunate because the book was interesting.  Even the poster is utterly generic.  Look:

Blah?

10 Things About the Academy Awards

1. Jennifer Aniston seemed very nervous when she was presenting.  Conspiracy theory: I bet the producers had her present with Jack Black so they’d have an excuse to cut to Angelina and Brad while she was on stage. 

2. Sophia Loren has the glam bitchface down.  When she was talking about Meryl Streep during the Best Actress presentation, it actually sounded like she was being snide, even though of course she wasn’t and was saying very nice things.  It made me wish I had the presence to go through life as a glamourpuss so people would never really know if I was being nice or mean. 

3. Did anyone watch the Barbara Walters Special?  It was very odd.  The Jonas Brothers disturb me a little with their gigantic hair and their purity rings.  Also, Barbara forced Hugh Jackman to give her a lapdance.  And she was wearing a jacket made out of doilies.

4. Hugh Jackman is a great host.  He makes it feel very natural and effortless and he has a very old Hollywood class about him onstage.  I especially enjoyed his dance number about having not seen The Reader.  I thought the Baz Luhrman number was completely all over the place, which is no surprise since I usually find Baz Luhrman projects to be kind of all over the place.  It was like, wait, what? Hugh’s singing “Maria”?  And now Zac Efron and Lilly Kane are there?  And now “Singin’ in the Rain”?  And uuuuugh … Beyonce’s singing “At Last”!  OH SNAP ETTA JAMES! Can’t they just sing more than three words of one song? However, it looked like they were having fun with it.  When they cut to Penelope Cruz after the number ended, she looked confused.

5. On the other hand, I really enjoyed the Slumdog songs.  Jai ho!

6. Robert Pattinson looked like he was biting the insides of his cheeks to make sure he appeared as broody as possible on camera. 

7. I liked when Reese Witherspoon explained to ”those of us at home” what a director is.  Because really, in all of these years of Academy Award-watching, whenever they reached that Best Director award, I’d think to myself, “What IS a director anyway? I guess I’ll never know!”  So I’m really glad she cleared up that mystery. Gee, thanks, Reese! “He’s like the CEO, the head honcho!”  (Except he’s really not because he ultimately works for the producers.)    

8. I am surprised that the Academy included Cuba Gooding, Jr. in this affair, as I would think they’d like to treat his actually winning as a random drunken night of shame, like some guy you totally regret making out with in a club or something.  I mean, dude was in Radio.

9. Not a lot of (…or any) surprises with the winners, but I actually did enjoy most of the performances and films they honored, and it was fun to see the kids from Slumdog livin’ it up.  And of course, Kate. I thought Penelope Cruz was great in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, but I thought it was interesting that she thanked Pedro Almodovar in her acceptance speech more effusively than she thanked Woody Allen. (Did she even thank Woody Allen? I don’t remember.)  Either way, I am sure she is thankful that things did not work out with Tom Cruise and that she is winning acting awards rather than shuffling zombie-like around New York City with bad haircuts, pegged jeans,  and a fake daughter. 

10. Did anyone else get this dumb ABC commercial right after the show ended where they were like, “And now ABC takes you to the Oscar parties” but it was just an extended commercial for upcoming ABC shows with the actors standing around with martini glasses where they had to be in character as themselves which, incidentally, is a huge pet peeve of mine?  DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TRICK ME, ABC?

Movie Trailer Snap Judgments: Confessions of a Shopaholic

When I first saw the trailer for this movie, I thought, “Oh, this looks stupid, but I like Isla Fisher,” but then it occurred to me that I actually like Amy Adams, and I don’t really have an opinion on Isla Fisher at all.  So that leaves my opinion of this trailer as, “Oh, this looks stupid.”

I actually read Confessions of a Shopaholic years ago and while I don’t remember the details of the plot, I do remember being frustrated while reading because all of the heroine’s problems would be solved if she would JUST STOP BUYING THINGS. I am no financial whiz, but even I can figure that out.  Rebecca, stay home. Bake cookies. Watch a TLC What Not to Wear marathon.  Just STOP SHOPPING.

In these trying economic times, I think that a story about an idiot who keeps purchasing designer clothes and bags and whatnot when she has no way of paying for them is even more infuriating than it would be otherwise.  Can audiences really relate to the idea of dropping thousands of dollars on luxury items when they are struggling just to make rent?  The entire trailer makes the movie look like a mishmash of discarded jokes from Bridget Jones’ Diary and Sex and the City with additional shrieking and squawking.  But I don’t think Carrie Bradshaw would be caught dead in Rebecca Bloomwood’s wardrobe and Carrie wore a weird blue feather in her hair on her wedding day. 

This movie appears to fall into the category of “There would be no plot if the main character showed a modicum of common sense,” which makes it skippable. However, just to prove I am not a total romantic comedy curmudgeon, I actually think the trailer for He’s Just Not That Into You looks sort of - dare I say it ?- cute.

10 Things about the Golden Globes

1. Drew Barrymore, your HAIR!  I know that hair-wrangling can be hard, especially when it is windy as it has been here in LA recently.  But I think a better way to combat the windy hair mess is a tight updo, not that psychotic bouffant you were sporting.

2. Colin Farrell, what is WRONG with you?  The awesome thing about the Golden Globes is that all of the celebs get a little drunk which makes for amusing acceptance moments, but dude could barely get a coherent sentence out.  I know he said that his on-stage sniffling was “a cold, not what it was before,” but I’m not sure that can be believed.

3. Alec Baldwin is so funny as Jack Donaghy that I cannot argue with any award going his way, but the X-Phile in me was still pulling for David “the man, the myth, the monotone” Duchovny, even though I am only a sporadic viewer of Californication.  He’s had a tough year.  Also, he looked fantastic – younger than he has in quite awhile. His little anecdote about his wife while presenting seemed calculated to prove to Hollywood that his marriage is back on track, though.

4. I want to be Kate Winslet when I grow up.

5. Or Tina Fey.

6. Slumdog Millionaire was excellent – inspiring and gritty and really, the most special movie I’ve seen this year.  It was fun to see Dev Patel’s and Freida Pinto’s growing excitement as the evening went on. Kudos!

7. Aw, Heath: his win was sobering and bittersweet.  I rolled my eyes when Tom Cruise was the first to burst out of his chair in applause with that oh-so-serious look on his face, though, ostensibly to prove what a Good Person he is.  Tom, your appearance in  Tropic Thunder was mildly amusing, but you still creep everyone out.  Don’t push it.

8. Mickey Rourke!  Loved his raw performance in The Wrestler.  The shallow side of me wonders what it would feel like to have people say things about you like, “Did you see Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler?  He was amazing!  He looked like shit!”

9. Shallow fashion/style notes – Not a fan of the asymmetrical shoulder thing.  Maggie Gyllenhaal, liked that your dress was interesting, but really didn’t love the dress. Zellwegger, you looked horrific. Wow, Seth Rogan lost weight.  Miley Cyrus – GO AWAY! Rumer Willis – GO EVEN FARTHER AWAY!

10.  All in all, glad to have awards season back in its full glory this year.  Watching the Globes was a great capper to a lovely, sunny weekend here in Los Angeles.