I missed out on this little gem until recently, but oh, I am so glad I discovered it. And you will be, too!
I am talking about Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle newsletter/website. I actually receive a lot of email newsletters because I used to work on that sort of thing for work, but I never came across any email newsletter with as stupid a title as Goop. Apparently, “Goop” is meant to be some sort of play on Gwyneth’s initials, but I really don’t think it has any pleasant or erudite connotations, which is funny because I would assume someone like Gwyneth would want her newsletter to sound classier than all other newsletters. Not like a word you use to describe badly applied mascara.
In her newsletter, Gwyneth gives all sorts of lifetips in different categories – cooking (MAKE), exercise (GO), fashion (GET), what to do in different cities (SEE), and of course, spirituality (BE). My favorite things about Goop are the “From” lines and subject headings. When I used to work in email marketing, we always took a lot of care to make out subject lines clickable, meaning some sort of punchy headline people would be compelled to open when they saw it in their inboxes. Here is what Goop looked like in my inbox:
From: Goop This is Goop – SEE
Every subject line is, “This is Goop,” followed by her topic of the week. “This is Goop – MAKE.” Wow. Does she think that people are like, “Hmm … an email from Goop … I wonder what it is…” And then proceed to look at the subject line and have it all clarified. “Oh! ’This is Goop.’ Goop sent me Goop! Thank you Goop!”
The advice offered in Goop is both very pretentious and utterly conventional. The latest issue had instructions about how to make spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread. Garlic bread! Gee, thanks Gwyn. A previous issue included Gwyneth’s book recommendations where she highlights unknowns like Jane Eyre, and pontificates about “finding grace” and some other nonsense.
I perhaps scoffed the most at Gwyneth’s Los Angeles issue because I live here. Sayeth Gwyneth: “Los Angeles, where I was partially raised, will always hold a special place in my heart. Not the LA of Hollywood, but the old school seventies beach vibe which lingers in the corner.” (What? Is she talking about drug dealers in Venice or something?) She then proceeds to recommend such off-the-beaten-track establishments such as the Hotel Bel-Air, the Beverly Hills Hotel, La Scala, Nate’n'Al’s, and Chinois-on-Main. Here’s the thing – Angelenos already know about these places because they are very famous. If Gwyneth is trying to appeal to people who may be visiting LA who are not rich, well … they might want to find places other than La Scala to eat dinner.
Gwyneth enlightened us all about the “little black dress” in one of her emails, which included pictures of herself modelling four dresses. My LBD will look stylish paired with Christian Louboutin boots? What easy and accessible fashion advice during a recession!
I am sure Gwyneth means well, but this is a very silly vanity project. I will give her this: her workout tips were good. Her recipes might have potential (not the garlic bread ones). But she really should quell this attempt to be Oprah.
