Meet the new Melrose Placers

I bought an issue of OK! Magazine at the grocery store because I can never pass up some intrigue about the Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart relationship. Anyway, the magazine has a special “Meet the cast of the new Melrose Place!” feature, which gave me a little thrill of anticipation over the fact that Michael Mancini will be back on my TV.  I adored the original Melrose and never missed an episode.  In fact, watching that show always made me think that as an adult, I’d be all about whirlwind romances and treachery with my sexy neighbors, but in reality, my neighbors are mostly over the age of 70 and I run away from them when I see them to avoid chit-chat.  Anyway, let’s see who else we are working with on the new show, shall we?

Auggie Kirkpatrick (played by Colin Egglesfield):  OK, first of all … HAHAHAHAHAHA!  AUGGIE KIRKPATRICK?  AUGGIE?  Brilliant.  According to OK!, Auggie is a chef who is a recovering alcoholic.  Interesting.  I predict that he will be the new series’ Jake Hansen (with maybe a little of Kyle the Chef thrown in there … and Anthony Bourdain).  He will likely be very serious and condescending.

Violet Foster (played by Ashlee Simpson):  (Side note: I registered for Central Casting a couple of weeks ago and when I called the line, they were looking for people with “delicate hands” to be Ashlee’s hand double.  I was immediately ready to schedule a manicure – My HANDS! On MELROSE PLACE! – but as it turns out, the hand double needed full bartending skills.  Ah, fickle fame, lost to me again.)  Violet is a “wide-eyed innocent” with a link to Sydney Andrews.  Clearly, she will be Sydney’s daughter because her hair  is red.  My guess is also that she will be Alison Parker, revisited, but will she be as incompetent a bartender as Alison was in her advertising career?  I hated Alison SO MUCH, people.  She was so put-upon and whiny and like, when she was an alcoholic, she always coughed after she had a drink, which DROVE ME INSANE.  Moving on…

Ella Sims (played by Katie Cassidy, daughter of David):  A bisexual PR exec.  I guess that they are positioning her to be the new Amanda Woodward.  In the picture in OK!, she is wearing something SO ugly.  It’s a red tunic shirt, which she is wearing as a dress and there is a strange gold band around her hips and a necklace of feathers.  It’s truly putrid and strange and while I appreciate that the shortness of the dress might be a nod to Amanda’s awesome power suits, the inimitable Ms. Woodward wouldn’t be caught dead in this travesty.  Whatever.  I wonder if she will have Bisexual Issues of the Week a la Gay Matt.

Sydney Andrews (played by Laura Leighton):  Sydney now owns Melrose Place and has a whole new set of enemies.  This is brilliant, considering that Sydney DIED when she was hit by a car on her wedding day to David Charvet.  Whatever, I’m over it.  I loved Sydney in the original series. She was hilarious and I’m so glad that she is the owner of Melrose Place now. (Imagine we got stuck with Jane?)

Michael Mancini (played by Thomas Calabro): YESSSS! OK! informs me that Calabro is 50 now (!).  Apparently he is even richer than ever before.  (I wonder if he still has that beach house; that place was sweet.)  He is also now a father.  The idea of Michael giving fatherly advice brings me glee because you know all of his advice will be like What to Do When Blackmailed or How to Deal When Your Exes Try to Kill You.  I loved Michael.  He was so evil and funny.  Hopefully with Michael and Sydney back on my TV together we will get more scenes like this:

Lauren Yung (played by Stephanie Jacobsen):  She is a “wannabe” doctor, which puts her in the Kimberly Shaw position. But she may not be crazy, so perhaps she’ll be more of an independent Jo type.

David Breck (played by Shaun Sipos):  This is the character who is the estranged son of Michael Mancini.  He is blonde; is his mother Jane?  Oh, wait, OK! tells me he has had an affair with Sydney, so no. Ew.  (But ha!)  He apparently is a “bad boy,” which makes sense given that he shares Michael’s DNA.

Riley Richmond (played by Jessica Lucas):  Engaged elementary school teacher.  Engaged?  Oh, she is so Jane sans Wilson Phillips haircut.  I hope her husband leaves her and she starts dating an Evil Businessman who then kidnaps her sister and takes her to Vegas where her sister kind of likes it.

Jonah Miller (played by Michael Rady):  Riley’s aspiring filmmaker fiance. Though they seem solid, trouble lies ahead. Although I think Riley is Jane, I do not think this character is Michael.  He seems more like a Billy with the aspiring artiste stuff.  But hopefully less slack-jawed.

Buzz on this show is bad, so I am not getting my hopes up.  I was pretty psyched to see Brenda Walsh again last year, but the new 90210 (which I actually don’t hate) did not do anything interesting with her.  The challenge with bringing back these beloved shows is finding a balance with giving the old fans what they want (the beloved characters of yesteryear), while also trying to launch a series with an identity of its own.  I have read that Heather Locklear is in talks to appear on the show and while I’d love to see Amanda Woodward on TV again, I’d hate to see Heather play second fiddle to this crew.  Although maybe they’d let her slap someone, which I would enjoy.

Judd Apatow’s Best Work

I saw “Funny People,” which I liked, but which suffered from some of the same problems that I feel plague Apatow’s other film projects:  overkill of crude jokes (they work when they are funny, but when they are not, they make me cringe), too long and meandering near the end, and too much Jonah Hill (I cannot stand him).

I noticed that many of the reviews commented on the fact that this was Judd’s most serious and ambitious project yet.  And certainly, there were some very affecting and poignant moments; the scene where Seth Rogen’s character made an iTunes playlist for Adam Sandler’s character was both funny and tugged at the heartstrings in a way unique to Apatow’s work.

However, every time an Apatow project comes along, I read the reviews and always think to myself that none of his film projects will ever measure up creatively to 1999’s much-lamented, canceled television show, “Freaks & Geeks,” an hour long comedy about kids at high school in 1980.

You know how many complain that Apatow’s films do not have very rounded female characters?  “Freaks & Geeks” features one of the most sensitively drawn female characters of all time in Lindsay Weir.  Lindsay is smart and kind, but with a funny edge and actively tries to figure out her place in the scheme of things.  By the last episode of “Freaks & Geeks,” Lindsay makes a decision that left tears in my eyes while also understanding exactly where she was coming from.  In addition, Lindsay’s friendship with Kim Kelly, who starts the series as her nemesis, is touching and realistic.

Like Apatow’s films, “Freaks & Geeks” features characters who lurk in the outskirts of what is considered normal.  Amongst the “freaks,” we have James Franco’s Daniel, the Dylan McKay-esque rebel who develops a love for Dungeons & Dragons and Jason Segel’s Nick Andopolis, the too earnest drummer. (I will forevermore watch everything Jason Segel ever does, I thought he was so brilliant as this character. He should have gotten an Emmy just for the disco competition episode.) And we have “geeks” like the allergic-to-everything Bill and Sam the ventriloquist.

It is a truly wonderful show, filled with complicated moments, characters who are not cliches, and scenes of laugh-out-loud hilarity. Also, unlike his film work, the humor is not at all reliant on current pop culture references (clearly, since the series took place in 1980).  This show probably encapsulates the teenage experience better than anything I’ve ever seen.  While many reviewers are now saying that Apatow has not figured out how to blend the silly and the serious, I just want to shout, “But he does!  He did it ten years ago in ‘Freaks & Geeks’! But no one watched it and it got cancelled!” (Okay, I didn’t watch it either, but that will not stop my righteous indignation.)

Interestingly, that which I consider to be Apatow’s best work was taken off of network TV in less than a season, while his lesser works make millions at the box office.  (I do like his movies, just not as much as I like “Freaks & Geeks.”) I doubt that he will change tones too wildly in his films.  Why would he? He’s one of the most successful dudes in Hollywood.  But I would love to see him make a movie with more of the sensitivity and maturity he demonstrated in his television work ten years ago.

There are so many scenes I love in this show, but this is really a classic.  So sweet and also sad and wordlessly encapsulates the character of Bill:

Movie Trailer Snap Judgments: The Time Traveler’s Wife

This one could go either way, folks.

I read this book years ago and liked it very much, although I really remember nothing about it, which is unusual for me.  I started it on a plane from London to Salzburg because my friend Alison loaned it to me (Hi, Alison!) as I had forgotten to bring any reading material and would otherwise face a plane ride attempting to read airplane safety cards in German or annoying my friends who were trying to read.  So, anyway, I started this book and thought it was going to be Judith Krantz-esque, but found it very engrossing.  And then, when I heard they were making a movie about it, I thought it sounded like an interesting idea and when I found out they were casting Eric Bana, I eagerly looked forward to looking at Eric Bana (so broody and handsome!) for 2 hours.

However, the trailer leaves me a little unenthusiastic. The first strike against it is that it features some wailing rock song about “FALLin’ APART!” that sounds like it might be The Fray and already I feel like I am watching an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy.”  I don’t think it is The Fray, though, which is almost worse because it is clearly some B-version of The Fray.  Bleh.

The little girl playing the younger version of Rachel McAdams has strawberry-blonde hair and Rachel McAdams has dark brown hair.  Sometimes, our hair darkens when we get younger, but come ON, can we have some hair consistency here, people?  I will forgive this if there is some reference to her character making trips to a colorist, but otherwise, SOME OF US NOTICE THESE THINGS.

The trailer also does not show any particularly interesting incidents that I am sure the book contains.  It’s mostly Rachel voice-overing about “waiting for Henry … for my entire life … ” and gasping and breathily proclaiming, “It’s you!” when he appears.  In fact, both actors seem to be delivering their lines primarily in a low, breathy voice.  Bana sounds like Jack Donaghy from “30 Rock.”

The moment of levity in the trailer is Eric Bana asking Rachel McAdams if she will marry him, while she is lying in a hospital bed or something and she says, “No,” and then pauses and says, “I didn’t mean that,” as Eric breathes a sigh of relief and she giggles hysterically.  I hope there are funnier things in this movie than this scene because that’s … not funny.

And there are weddings and Christmases and a pregnancy and Eric Bana keeps disappearing and Rachel gets weepy and they run to one another in a field and they’re “FALLin’ APART!!!!!!!!!!!!”  I will likely see this movie, and I covet Rachel’s hair and outfits, but the trailer makes this movie look utterly generic, which is unfortunate because the book was interesting.  Even the poster is utterly generic.  Look:

Blah?

The condescension of “More to Love”

I don’t really like reality dating shows but I watched the first episode of “More to Love” on FOX because … well, because I thought that it looked like sort of a trainwreck and I was wondering HOW HUGE (heh) a trainwreck it would be.

To preface, I will say it was nice to see people on a TV show like this who aren’t rail thin, and it was nice to see a guy attracted to women who aren’t rail thin (however unappealing he was, ultimately).  However, the positive things about this show end there.

Most of the women cast on this show were cripplingly insecure.  In interviews, they sniffled over the fact that they had never been on dates before because they are so fat (their words, not mine).  One 21-year-old, after her elimination, wailed, “This was my last chance at finding love!”  She’s 21! Dude!

Again, I think it’s nice to see women who don’t look like pageant contestants on a dating show, but can’t they find any overweight women to join the show who don’t appear to need, like, emergency therapy sessions, stat?  I remember reading somewhere that something like 60% of Americans are overweight, so clearly, overweight people meet and fall in love in the real world.  But the show seems determined to reinforce the notion that all overweight women must feel undeserving of love (until their friendly network reality dating show fatefully intervenes!).

If the ladies were not crying about how they will never find love, they were overcompensating by saying things like, “I am GORGEOUS but men don’t like me because they are intimidated by me and they ALL want skinny bitches!”   (Maybe try having a little more respect for men in general than just assuming “they ALL want skinny bitches”?)  While thinner people undoubtedly have an easier time of it in many respects, so much of the issue here seems to be about poor self image. We can’t really love others until we love ourselves, right?  Plenty of thin people struggle with self-esteem issues, too!

The other annoying thing – and this seems to happen on all reality dating shows – is that ALL of the women are hopelessly devoted to the bachelor IMMEDIATELY. There is never a woman who shrugs and says, “He’s not for me.”  They are all ready to walk down the aisle, like, TODAY.  Clearly the psychology of competition and the romanticized setting plays into this a lot, but STILL.  It’s frustrating – and seems sort of pathetic, honestly – to see women put all of their eggs in one basket, so to speak, and it’s even more frustrating when they are women who have blatant self-esteem issues who will obviously be emotionally destroyed by the rejection.  And the bachelor?  Was not that great.  At one point, he had his arms wrapped around two of the women and leaned to the side and kissed one of them.  Gross.

I can guess that the show cast the women they did because they want to create a story arc and that they will learn they are worth something by the end and will start dating blah blah blah.  (Hopefully.  This may be giving the show too much credit.)  But, while I’d like to see more women of varying sizes and body types on TV (oh, and did I mention that their weights were actually shown at the bottom of the screen whenever they appeared? Ew!),  this show focused almost entirely on their weights and their emotional issues about their weights, rather than just showing attractive women of a larger size dating and having fun.  It turned the women into a spectacle, highlighting their neediness and desperation.  I was incensed.

(And this is why I don’t watch reality dating shows.)

Car dealerships are no fun

I traded in my Buick and now have a new (to me) car: a 2007 Kia Spectra.  My mom was in town and helped me immensely with this car trading in and buying process, as I am rendered mute when trying to make bargains of any kind.  I am financing the car and when we arrived at the dealership, announced what was an acceptable monthly payment.  The salesman agreed and showed us a car. Great! we said.  Will the monthly payments be what we asked for?  Oh, of COURSE, he assured us.

Needless to say, just when I thought that I had been sold a car, the car salesman disappeared into some Back Room of Deceit, Lies, and Squeezing Nice People of More Cash and came back and announced that we had a deal and the monthly payments will be $40 more than the figure we had given as the maximum that I could afford.  When I said, no! I already told you what I can pay! he just looked absolutely perplexed because of course, he is just doing ALL HE CAN to bring the price down as low as possible.  He is working for us and only for us!

Anyway, this went on for quite awhile until my mom just started walking away at which point, he finally agreed to our price, or rather, $8 above our price because car dealers clearly need to feel like they are winning somehow. (And told us that he was making no money at all from this deal. Right.)

My theory is that car dealers just intentionally try to confuse you until you just agree to whatever they set forth.  Like…

Buyer: So I can make a monthly payment of $175.

Dealer: OK, so you mean, you want a monthly payment of $190 after you make a payment of $1000, right?

Buyer: No, I mean, wait, when did we talk about making a payment upfront?

Dealer: So, you want to make a payment of $500 and have monthly payments of $200?  I GUESS we can do that, but it will take some work…

Buyer:  No!  I want lower monthly payments!

Dealer:  Well, why didn’t you say that upfront?  Buyer, I’m on your side!  I will lay down my life for yours!  You just gotta tell me what you want!

Buyer: But … I thought I did.

Dealer: So, we have an upfront payment of $2000 and monthly payments of $250?  Perfect.

Buyer: Um.

Things I’ve Been Thinking About Recently

I want to get back into the swing of updating this blog, so here are some fairly unstructured thoughts:

• I saw “Guys & Dolls” at the Hollywood Bowl last night.  The Hollywood Bowl is a beautiful venue, but very, very large.  So some (most) of the seats are very far away.  This did make the staging of a musical kind of awkward because you could not see the facial expressions of the actors unless you looked at the screen projections.  I saw “Les Miserables” at the Hollywood Bowl last summer and it somehow worked better, I think, because “Les Miserables” is a big, melodramatic musical with tons of singing, while “Guys & Dolls” is a musical comedy.  Also, Jessica Biel starred as Sarah Brown, which perplexed me on several levels, although did make me ponder Justin Timberlake’s presence in the audience.
• Okay, “The Ugly Truth”?  This looks deeply terrible.  All bad romantic comedy trailers seem to involve copious amounts of yelping by the women I know.  Why is this so?  Most of the women I know rarely yelp. (Although some of them Yelp.)  And is there any fresh take that can be given to the “men are pigs, women want to find loooooooove” issue?
• I went to a taping of “So You Think You Can Dance” a couple of weeks ago.  For anyone out there who has not been to a taping of a TV show, it is an incredibly laborious process that involves more standing around and waiting than “lights, camera, action!”  However, I do love this show, and it was fun to see the dancers perform live.  I was hoping to get some gossipy dirt while I was there, but really, the only insider tidbit I can share is that the audience is told to clap holding their hands above their heads so that it can be seen on TV.  Juicy, I know.
• One can finance a car in Los Angeles, and in fact, drive away with said car, without actually having a credit union or bank through which to finance it set up until like a week later.
• Not that I was not already aware of this, but Big Sur has very windy roads.
• David Sedaris is funny.
• Not long after I wrote that entry about being addicted to Facebook, I decided to take a break from it.  I still check it, but not nearly as much as I was a few months ago, and I think my life may be better for it.  After the end of August, I am going to be much busier in general, anyway.